When Reality Comes a-Callin'

Part of my convoluted outlook includes thinking that I still have a handle on being cool. Of course, in some ways I might still be... Or perhaps the younger people in my life are humoring me. Then again, using the word "Cool" might indicate just how un-cool I am, to those in the know. I'm not quite 40, and among my nomadic career, I am a college professor at a couple of universities.

So, what better barometer than a room full of young 20-somethings to help keep me in check. They laugh at my jokes, and appear to be sincere. But, the biggest reality check took place over Christmas.

My partner's kids got the video game "Rock Band" for Christmas. In a previous life, I was a pretty decent musician. I can't dance worth a damn, but as the Gershwin's said, "I've got rhythm... Who could ask for anything more?" So, I do have a bit of a musical advantage, if I may say so. I figured I was in good shape.

But, this is where I got my coolness reality check. 47 songs are included in the game. I knew like four of them. Quatro. Less than 10%. Now, I RECOGNIZED the names of some of the artists. But, singing lead vocals on "I think I'm Paranoid" by Garbage, I failed. As an overachiever, let me tell you, that was devastating. And of course, when my sister asked why I failed, my partner proudly announced, "Because she sucks!"



And why did I suck? Not because I can't read the words on the screen, but because I had NEVER HEARD this song. I had no idea who this group was. But I did them justice - my rendition WAS garbage.

And the song "Maps." What the hell is that about?

Here is a sample from this little ditty:

"Wait! They don’t love you like I love you;And wait! They don’t love you like I love you;Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps;Wait! They don’t love you like I love you!And wait! They don’t love you like I love you!Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps!Wait! They don’t love you like I love you …Wait! They don’t love you like I love you;And wait! They don’t love you like I love you;Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps;Wait! They don’t love you like I love you!And wait! They don’t love you like I love you!Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps!Wait! They don’t love you like I love you …"

Can someone tell me? Am I THAT out of touch?

So, I'm getting zen with my lack of coolness. And at the risk of blowing my uber-coolness, here would be my dream version of Rock Band: Anyone with me? Care to add something I may have missed?

1. The Lady is a Tramp, F. Sinatra
A kickin' big band chart where you can wail on the drums.

2. Got to Get You in to My Life, Earth Wind & Fire

3. Sway, Michael Buble'

4. I Want to Come Over, M. Etheridge
Where is the Rainbow version of rock band?

5. Glamorous, Fergie
If you ain't got no money, take your broke ass home!

6. Home By the Sea, Genesis
Classic Rock, and not the predictable "In the Air Tonight" Phil Collins drum solo.

What about a request for the Doobie Brothers? Am I completely out of touch?