Friday, January 9, 2009

If they could only see themselves...

...But would they even care?

The UBlogger's very wise (and no doubt once exhausted mom) used to say to UBlogger "If you could see yourself" when I was being typically ornery or just a pain in her ass. So, like most things moms say, that stuck with me, and as UBlogger approaches 40, I hear myself saying much of what she said to me when the bag on my head was a small, instead of a large.

So, in the last week, this phrase has been popular once again.

There was the drivethru at the Dunkin Donuts. As I was waiting for my bagel, Pakistani-Annie relieved herself of a wedgie right in front of my eyes. And then used that same hand to take my money and pass over my breakfast. If she could see herself...

And then road rage on the interstate... This was a good one. New Years' Eve. 3:30pm on the interstate near my home around one of the top 10 media markets in the USA (have to maintain that anonymity you know). The merging ramp unfolds to reveal a parking lot on the highway. O well. It happens. It is a road, after all. Cars do tend to use them from time to time. I try to relax, accept it for what it is, and enjoy the moment. It does not always work that way, of course. But the woman in front of me provided such great entertainment. She went absolutely ape shit. She threw her hands up in the air repeatedly, drove onto the shoulder (presumably to get a better view - of what I don't know) and thrashed her head from side to side. It was fabulously entertaining. She saw me laughing in her rear view mirror and shot me the bird. If she could see herself...

Two days later on an airplane. One of my least favorite places. I do not mind flying per se, its just the people you have to do it with that annoy me. On this particular flight, I had the frantic hair twirler in front of me. 2.5 hours. It's amazing she had any left when we deplaned. 2.5 hours, twirl to the right, twirl to the left. Pull. Repeat. If I had $4 cash, I would have bought her a bloody mary.

These people... they make me smile, partly because I'm pretty certain I've done dumb shit before, but also because they are just so entertaining.

Relax folks. Light a cigar. Have a drink. Meditate. Something. Enjoy yourself, because you just might spot someone doing something really stupid, so you will have a really good story to share later.

1 comment:

Rigel said...

Freakin A! Oh my word. I laughed out loud like 10 times reading this post.

"Pakistani-Annie" so un-PC, but so hilarious. Where DID you get that wedgie pic?

I love it that the Ape-s*&! lady gave you the bird when she saw you laughing at her. People need to chillax a bit in traffic. I'm one of them. I have never gone Ape-shite on anyone, but I've thought and said some nasty things I'm not proud of. Never TO someone, just in my car where they couldn't hear me. God heard me. I'm guilty of self-contained road rage.